As many of you know, I came from a mixed home. My mother is/was a Methodist and my father is/was a member of the Church of Christ (not United Church of Christ or International Church of Christ, but the one made of autonomous churches, non-instrumental, found primarily in the South and MidWest). That's pretty far apart on the spectrum of protestantism. When I was younger and still attending the Methodist Church I often observed Lent by sacrificing something. One year it was chocolate, a couple of times it was Coke (which is how we around here refer to any sort of soda/pop). I am now a member of the Church of Christ which does not celebrate Lent and I haven't done anything for it for the last few (six? eight?) years.

In junior year English of high school we read Thoreau's Walden Pond. Our teacher had us choose to simplify our life by one thing for 30 days and write a journal about the experience. I do not remember how I simplified life, but I do remember one girl gave up make-up and I was jealous because she had a stunning complexion and still looked great. This simplification was a lot like Lent in some ways.

Modern life is too complex, too cluttered, and too often we choose quick and easy solutions that are not the best of us at all. So in the spirit of Lent, and Thoreaux, and my own spiritual/physical/emotional recovery from the modern world, I am simplifying. Only one thing, and only until Easter, but I want to see how it goes. My simplification (sacrifice if you will, but I prefer to think of it as de-cluttering my life) is actually a little more complex. I am giving up frozen entrees (aka TV dinners). There are multiple reasons for this:

• TV Dinners aren't good for you - even the light and diet ones contain huge amounts of Sodium
  
• TV Dinners require much more energy to produce and make than fresh foods - bad for the environment
  
• Fresh food tastes better
  
• other reasons I'm forgetting

I really only eat frozen dinners at work for lunch. And not every lunch, maybe half of them. On one hand they're good, because I keep from going out and spending money. But they're bad for the reasons I just mentioned and the ones I forgot. However I like to cook, I always mean to do more of it, and try more things, and I get in a rut and stick to the same stuff. I could go farther and swear off all pre-packaged food mixes (box mixes to use for the oven or stove top and hamburger helper - basically things where you use a box and add a little bit of cooking), but I'm not ready for that. I want to do this until Easter and see how it works. I imagine that after that I'll go back to an occasional frozen entree, but hopefully much less.

I always forget how many Catholics there are. Yesterday I saw so many people with ashes on their forehead (granted not just Catholics do that, Methodists do it too and probably others) and our coffee shop/cafe will be serving veggie sandwiches and tuna salad on Fridays.

They're putting in carpet in my library. I really liked the unfinished concrete floors, so did a lot of people. They were cool, unique, hip, urban, etc. They were also very loud when people wear clanky shoes (like I do) or wheeled book carts. It would have doubled the price to have the installation done during off hours. Libraries can't just toss money around like that. So they're doing the installation now. Problem is the glue is smelling up the whole place. I brought my lunch, but I didn't eat it. I went across the street to the cafe for a salad because I had to get out of the library and get some fresh air. This helped mildly. Something about the ventillation of our building and I swear all the fumes come rushing back to us. I have a headache (excederin didn't help) that is killing me, I'm nauseous and icky feeling. Of course I have cramps and so I started off not at full power. The people up front and in the workroom aren't as affected as us back here. We think it is the way the building air flow works. My coworker just went home. I am covering a program, but we'll see how I am doing in an hour if I stay or go. Only a few hours to five. Maybe I can tough it out. Maybe. The one woman and I are feeling it the worst because we've had the most desk time in the last two days. (This is day two of carpet installation). If work makes me sick, do I have to use sick time? (I'll never argue it, I have plenty of sick leave, I'll just use it.)

In semi-related news, I went to the doctor for an annual check up yesterday. They took my weight and height. Weight wise I lost some over the last 14 months (I was a little behind annual), not a huge amount, but some. It is good that I didn't gain or even stay the same. The last fourteen months were some of the toughest of my life busy-wise with the full time work and school and I didn't always make it to the gym, actually I was pretty bad about it. The fact that I did lose weight indicates a general change in eating habits, and if I start to add in a better control of food and more structured exercise habit, it should really start to help. I've gotten life to a controlled routine now where such things are possible and I transferred my gym membership to the gym I drive by on my way home from work and it seems to have worked as far as I feel guilty just driving by so I stop and workout. Plus they have a kickboxing class that starts just about as I get there when I get off from work. I haven't gone yet because I'm not sure I'm ready, but I will soon I hope. It looks fun.

Also at the doctor they took my height. I jokingly said, "How tall am I?" And the nurse repled: 5'6". I was shocked. My reaction went a little like this: "I'm not 5'6", I'm 5'7". I've always been 5'7" or at shortest 5'6 3/4". My sister is the one who is 5'6" and I am 5'7". Can you measure me again please?" The nurse was laughing pretty hard at this point, but she remeasured me. This time I stood up straight and tipped up my chin. I tend to slump pretty badly. I am 5'7". I guess what mom said about posture all those years is true.

It's just past nine and I'm already hungry. Why is that? Probably because I skipped breakfast and just grabbed a handful of dry cereal on my way out the door. However I made my lunch and tossed in an extra yogurt so I can eat that on my mid-morning break.

I need to stabilize my morning routine. I read an article that recommends getting up an half hour earlier than strictly needed. Apparently if you fight that snooze button, and you take time for a leisurely breakfast with a morning show/newspaper/whatever, you'll be happier and less stressed all day since you didn't start with that gotta-go in two minutes mentality. I may have to try that. Though it seems unlikely given my past history. But I'm pretty stubborn when I want to be and I could see how that could help.

I've been in a self-imposed hermitage for the last week and a half or so. I figured it was a more effective hermitage (and there is a possibility I am making up that word) if I didn't post about it here. I had three major projects (and one run of the mill assignment) due this last weekend so I didn't socialize, I didn't do anything.

I have been reading lj, and kept up with all of you.

Did y'all miss anything?

Not really. It's the official first day of spring and we have snow on the ground. Love Kansas. It'll warm up pretty soon. I got a pretty bad cold last week (and its holding on) which made all of that school work extra fun. I also was working a ton because I'm trying to finish up projects at the community college before my last day (this thursday!) and the public library was seriously understaffed. Of our normal five person youth services staff, we had two people. Not a ton of fun. So I was under a great deal of stress. Plus it was the time of month that always makes me emotional. There would be times in the middle of the day when everything I had to get accomplished would hit me and it would be all I could do not to just start crying. Much more relaxed now. And I'm getting back into doing things I like, such as the gym.

Friday I did three storytimes, and I was very hoarse by the end of them. Normally we just sing the little songs (this time five in a bed and twinkle twinkle little star), but this time my voice wasn't up to it (and my voice is no great shakes when I'm feeling well) so we sang with the CD. Then I got off work and got to drive to Emporia for class. On Friday, I had the assistant branch manager run to me, and ask breathlessly, "Elizabeth, you speak French, right?" Now I never thought that would happen. But we had a French patron at the checkout and there were communication difficulties. Got it all sorted. It was fun and made me laugh because French is not one of those languages you expect to use in a public service job (Spanish is, though I use my American Sign Language occasionally).

All of my school work for this semester will be done on April 15th.

In the course of my hermitage (which I occasionally called hermitude), I thought of several witty and poignant things to post, none of course are occuring to me now.

I finally got some cadberry eggs which if you know me are the best part of Easter. I'm trying to go slowly on them because I'm still on a diet. So I've only had one in the last week (though I have eaten some other Easter candy). Also I went to the Chocolate Cafe when I was in Emporia for class this last weekend. I always go to the Chocolate Cafe. Or not always, but very often. One of the best parts of going to Emporia for classes, makes the rest of this worth it, and one of the things I'll miss the most when I graduate. How was that for a convoluted run-on sentence?

Summary: Was stressed, but got everything done somehow. Am much happier now.

I believe I mentioned that I have been on three job interviews in the last three weeks. Well, two of those jobs I did not get, but one I did. It is a full time position in the youth services department at the same branch of the library that I currently work at. I will be full time (with benefits), doing a lot of the same things I currently do but doing a lot more which will be great experience. It is not an MLS level position, but I won't really have my MLS until August. I would love to spend (at least) another year in this position and gain a lot more experience and wider variety of experience. Mainly this means my hell of filling out job applications, resumes, cover letters, and interviews is over! (For at least a year.)

Also I am in the mood for new spring clothes and swung by a store on the way home yeterday. The size that had fit me for years (and had been getting a little tight last year) was very very loose. I could go down a size (though I didn't since it was a cotton skirt and even if it doesn't shrink, it is easier to belt things). Still two good things in one day! Very happy!

I sent in my intent to graduate form. I will finish my degree in August. However, graduation ceremonies are only held in May and in December. I am choosing to walk in May. Master's students get to go first (or second after PhD candidates, but there are only a handful of them) and then I can leave (without sitting through a zillion undergrads). I wasn't going to do it, but I think I will. There is always the chance I'll regret it if I don't.

I need a professional level job, and I've started applying and interviewing different places. When I look at the type of positions that I am eligible/qualified for, they are a lot of responsibility. It will be the most I've ever been asked to do. I just need to make the mental adjustment, I am an adult, I have a professional degree (or will very soon), I am qualified to make budget decisions, to supervise people, to make total programming decisions, buying decisions, etc. However I don't always feel qualified. But a lot of my friends are married. I went to a baby shower for a girl I went to high school with last week. I'm an adult, go with it.

It's been highs in the teens lately. Cold cold cold.

Yesterday, I was doing storytime. My pants are too loose (and yes, I know that is good and I've been loosing weight) and my shirt was a normal length, it probably overlapped my pants by two inches. However during toddler storytime, when we're doing reach tall tall like a tree and I stretch up my arms. My pants are loose and slip farther and farther down my hips, and my shirt rides up, and a couple of inches of belly are exposed. Not great. And the pants are not of such a type or cut that they would look good belted.

I just saw a preview for a new movie called The Brothers Grimm. I really want to see it. I hardly ever see movies in the theatre anymore. But I really want to see this one. The only time I see movies in the theatre consistently is when I am in a relationship with someone.

I cooked rice today and royally screwed it up. I may have ruined the pan. I feel really bad. I make rice okay about half the time and the other half I really mess it up.

I'm about a week into my self-improvement project.

Working out is going well. I usually when I start a new workout project I totally kill myself the first two days and then I don't want to do anymore and just give up and quit. So I am easing back into it slowly. This is good. Of course I've been sick the last few days and that hasn't helped. Diet is going poorly. And tomorrow we're having a staff retreat and staff potluck with lots of goodies so that won't help. Prayer is probably going the best, but I missed this last weekend.

I finished up summer semester of school this last week. I don't think my grades are as good this semester, That could me just being paranoid, but I don't know. I should probably start ordering books and such for the next semester, but I am taking a couple of days off. I organized all my papers from the last semester and filed them. I have to do progress review (return in all your work thus far and justify your being kept in the program). I was supposed to do it this summer, but they're changing the format of it, so I was postponed until this fall. I'm not too worried, but it is that much more stress and that much more to do. I always really stress over those things, over grades, over everything. I suppose I stress too much and I'm not really sure how to stop.

I've had my kitten for almost two weeks now. (Two weeks as of thursday). I adore her. She's super friendly, very playful, loves people. She doesn't know her name is Jane Austen, doesn't know she's a kitty, she thinks she's a people. She explores everything, very nosey, sticks her triangle face into everything. And she isn't afraid of water. She doesn't love it, but it doesn't dissuade her. She jumps into the bathtub all the time and explores around the sink. She loves to sit on the sink ledge while my dad shaves. It is very funny.

On Friday I went out with some friends to celebrate Katy (buffyholic) being engaged. I'm the only one of the girls who isn't engaged or in a serious relationship. It's odd, but it is okay. Probably in middle/high school when we all met, no one would have picked me as the lsat one to be settled down. However career wise, and in so many other ways, I am really happy with the way my life is going. We had dinner. Then we went to grab drinks at this bar that is really popular. I ran into a guy from church there that had been out of the country. When I gave him a hug, I stumbled a little bit. And I was afraid he would think I was drunk (half a beer at the bar, one mixed wine drink with dinner), and not realize I am just clumsy. I talked to him for a little bit and I hope it was clear that I wasn't drunk. There's no way to explain that I stumbled because of clumsiness not an overindulgence of alcohol without seeming really neurotic. At some point I did stop to worry about why I was so worried about what he thought of me. After all what did it matter if he thought I was tipsy? I don't know. I did eventually let it go when I realized how neurotic I was being. And of course I didn't mention any of this to him.

I've always been the type to make new year's resolutions in August. That is when a new school year was starting and that always seemed the best time to reform myself. Well, right now my study habits are probably the most healthy part of my life. My diet is atrocious, my exercise routine is haphazard at best, and my spirit life is entirely group things (going to church, Bible Study, etc) and very little personal (a tiny bit of personal prayer a day). Clearly that has to change. I am fairly disgusted with myself on many fronts, the wedding is over, the newlyweds are gone, I can take time and focus on changing these things.

Fortunately there have been a conflux of events allowing me to turn many of these things around.

My Spiritually: My church has made August a special 31 days of prayer. They have nightly prayer meetings and around the clock prayer (you sign up for an hour at any time and pray from home). I probably won't make it to the prayer meetings and I didn't sign up for an hour, but I did take the August prayer guide and I am going to follow that because it has a guideline and suggestions and scripture for each day. So far it is very helpful, I am just not very good at focusing. There are many scriptures for each day, but this is the one I like most for August 1 (I'm starting a day late, I'll go a day long or double up one day):
"And we can be confident that He will listen to us whenever we ask Him for anything in line with His will. And if we know He is listening when we make our requests, we can be sure that He will give us what we ask for." 1 John 5:14-15 Some of the other scriptures talk about how He is always listening. They're all good.

My exercise: 24 hour fitness was having a special rate to join up and my family's membership at the community center (which was older and beat up and full of old people) was expired. I joined the gym and am going after I get off work (which I should be going to right now). I will sign up for a couple of classes a week and work out on my own somedays. The one near me is one of the "super sport" clubs and is huge with tons of equipment and really nice facilities and classes.

My diet: This isn't much improved today. But the day isn't over yet and I still have time to redeem myself. I am taking a banana to work for snack instead of a granola bar.

I need to go to work now. I'll keep you all updated on how I am doing. I figure it has to be at least 1/3 as interesting as anything else in my journal. We'll see if I can make it through this month. If I can make it through August, than it will be a habit and I'll have won.